i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
