By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
