We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
