I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
