Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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