I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
