Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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