apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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