I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
