It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
