the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
