Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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