I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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