I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
