I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
