You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
