awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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