she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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