I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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