I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
