It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
