I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
