the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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