JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
