dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well you can't waste a boner
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
