all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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