I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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