Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize