Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
