Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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