Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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