You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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