Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
