do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
