Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
