I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
