I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
