I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
