shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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