Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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