Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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