i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize