I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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