somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize