i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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