All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
