For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
