SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
