I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
