Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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