I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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