Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
