i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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