the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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