I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize