your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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