I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
