I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
