she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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