hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
