hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
