Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
