I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
