i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
