i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
