i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
