This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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