lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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