it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
