yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
