When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
