I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
