u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
