Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
