Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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