So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
