Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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