You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
