as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
