my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
