His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
