You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
