This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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