GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize