we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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