i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
