its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize