I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
