So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
