We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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