the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
