**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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