she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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